A reflection on the last 18 months since losing Rosie… prompted by events of the last 6 weeks…
The last 6 weeks have been difficult and challenging.
Losing my step-mum Dot brought its own grief. It also caused the even deeper grief of losing Rosie to resurface, along with the pain of many other life events going right back to my childhood.
However, this time has also given me two profound gifts…
- The opportunity to face and deal with unresolved issues in my life.
- Something I have never experienced before… surrounding the grief and turmoil… a deep overriding sense of peace.
Losing Rosie thrust me into an unfamiliar, empty place.
I had no choice but to go there. Much of what defined ‘me’ disappeared.
Alongside grief I was faced with the need to redefine myself and my life.
This recent turmoil has also helped me see how many changes have already occurred. I’m standing on the threshold of a new life and I’m so grateful to be here.
However I dare not take it for granted and so remain vigilant. Life never stops challenging us with tough times and I have no desire to take the ‘downward’ path again.
My life is changing…
The grief of Rosie’s death is slowly giving way.
An energy I’ve never had before is creeping in.
I’m beginning to discover a new identity;
the freedom to make choices and set a new course.
I’m filtering my beliefs about life and myself…
Keeping the beliefs that are life-giving,
Discarding the beliefs that brought decades of fear and depression,
And giving myself freedom to question them all.
I’m learning what it means to love and accept myself for who I am right now.
I’m forming new relationships and deepening existing ones.
Peace is replacing anxiety,
Insecurity is giving way to quiet confidence.
For the first time ever…
I’m starting to dream of the future,
and wake most mornings with
Hope and Anticipation.
I experience two strange new feelings…
Excitement and Joy!