A journey into openness and honesty… Distilling truths about ourselves, others and life from shared experiences… Learning to live consistently with that truth… Becoming free to be who we truly are…

Archive for the ‘Intimacy’ Category

My Valentines Day post

This is my Valentines Day post to the new life partner I’m looking for. I’m sure you’re out there somewhere 😍.

It’s been 11 years since I lost my wife to breast cancer and I’m longing for a new soulmate.

Am I wanting my own needs to be met? For sure, that is only healthy and natural. However, for me a relationship is far more than satisfying my own needs. Relationships are as much about giving as receiving, and I have a lot to give a new partner… mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually (beyond religion).

Love is far more than a feeling… it entails respect, trust, integrity, being open, truly listening, accepting one another for who we are, along with practical care and support. True love offers freedom alongside having shared interests… allowing your partner to be themselves and pursue their own interests… this enriches a relationship rather than taking away from it.

I’ve been on a quite a few dates over the years but have yet to find a soulmate. I met a variety of women through online dating and can tell some very interesting stories! Mostly I’ve just been waiting… hoping that the ‘right woman’ will ‘just appear’. It has dawned on me that more radical action is required, hence this post.

I’m not wanting to rush into a new relationship. Entering a committed partnership takes time. Both people need to be ready before moving from one stage to the next. (If it turns out we’re not compatible, then parting respectfully is perfectly okay.)

A great way to begin is a coffee date. If there’s a potential spark more dates can follow. Getting to know one another is an essential foundation… sharing about our life journeys, experiences, values, interests, families and much more.

If a friendship develops that’s great. I’d love to have a female companion to spend time with and do things together.

If this leads to a romantic relationship that would be wonderful. This is when we can get to know one another on a whole new level and allow love to flourish.

If a deep, secure, committed lifelong partnership emerges that will be profoundly special and enable a whole new phase of life to begin for both of us.

Back to the start…

I’m sure there are many mature single women out there who long to be in a secure, loving relationship and are waiting for the ‘right man’ to come along. (Mature = mentally and emotionally mature, probably 55+.)

I’m 68, a retired engineer, and financially and domestically independent. My life centres on relationships… family and friends are high priority… I love listening to and encouraging others, sharing my own story, and talking about real life issues. I enjoy music, bushwalking, photography, electronics and technology and being creative… I love bringing ideas to life. I’m interested in current affairs and social justice. (If you want to know more check out the other articles here on my blog.)

If you are a mature single woman seeking a new partner and I’ve piqued your interest, be courageous and contact me via a Facebook pm or my blog email onlivingauthentically@gmail.com.

Here’s hoping!

Ian James
14/02/2026

One day at the Pharmacy…

An embarrassing experience

Some time ago my sister-in-law Janine shared an embarrassing experience she had at the pharmacy. A staff member had asked her a very personal question in earshot of others in the store. Embarrassing at the time, but very funny in hindsight.

Yesterday I had an experience that goes one better! 🙂

An adults-only post?

I was going to rate this article Adults Only, but it’s really just PG. I’ve couched it in ‘blog and facebook-friendly’ terms, and teenagers may find it helpful and enlightening. It involves a men’s health issue and a taboo subject. Hopefully you’ll have a great laugh.

It also challenges a traditional belief that research shows is completely unfounded. In fact the belief can be very detrimental to men (and women), young and old, and can seriously impact one’s mental and physical wellbeing. Yet it still clings on in some parts of society.

I also hope that what I share, as personal as it is, will be another small step towards this taboo being brought out into the open.

Some background…

Most of you probably know that as men age, things that are meant to stay upright gradually lose their ability to do so. It’s an outcome of naturally declining testosterone levels. It may be accompanied by a reduced drive, but not necessarily. Blokes can still be very keen to satisfy their natural desires.

So what’s a bloke to do? During the last five years of being single, I’ve had advice from a number of professional people… To maintain everything in full working order it’s a case of “Use it or lose it.”

There are also medications that can help.

Now for the taboo. Some people still believe that “self-love” is ‘sinful’ or harmful in some way. But none of the blokes I’ve spoken to have gone blind, and I haven’t either. Once again, professional advice says this behaviour is perfectly normal and healthy.

So how does this apply to me?

Like many other men my age, my upbringing scripted me to feel incredibly guilty. 40+ years is a very long time to struggle with an errant belief. It demonstrates that what a child is taught can impact them for life, sometimes causing significant damage.

After years of wrestling, I finally accepted that this taboo is a very harmful myth. (I still believe however, that the inherent fantasy life needs to be healthy, and that using porn is a bad idea.)

I’ve not been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years since losing my wife. However I look forward to a new relationship when the right woman comes along. And I want to be able to share the full delights of an intimate relationship with my new partner.

Casual intimacy, if such a thing really exists, is not for me. So it’s important I ‘maintain and exercise’ my ability on my own.

Back to the story…

I spoke to my doctor earlier this week. She prescribed a single tablet as a trial run and sent the prescription to a local pharmacy.

I also had an appointment with another doctor who sent two prescriptions for my regular medications to the same pharmacy.

I went down to the pharmacy to collect all three. The pharmacist was a young woman. She looked at the scripts, and as you’d expect, didn’t bat an eyelid… she’d have many blokes on the same medication.

I headed off for a coffee, then returned to the pharmacy. There was a young bloke ahead of me so I stood in the queue at the required distance. While the pharmacist attended to him, the young female assistant called out to me in the queue. I told the her that I was picking up three scripts. She found them and gave them to the pharmacist.

The pharmacist then asked, in a voice loud enough to reach me, “Have you had all these medications before?” I replied that one of them was new. In the same loud voice she asked, “Which one is new?”

I hesitated for a moment feeling vulnerable and exposed… I was about to make a very personal announcement to my new local community! Then I thought, “What the heck”, and replied in a calm, confident voice, “Viagra”.

The pharmacist and the assistant didn’t react at all (noticeably), but I wished I could have seen the face of the young bloke in front of me!

The fun continues…

The pharmacist beckoned me to the front counter and asked if I was on any other medications. I told her which ones. She informed me all was well… none of the drugs would interact with each other. She then added, without being specific, that I could however experience a little dizziness.

Dizziness from what I wondered? A reaction between my medications? But she’d just said this wasn’t an issue. Perhaps dizziness from the Viagra? To be sure I understood clearly I asked, “Which drug are you referring to?” Instead of saying ‘Viagra’ out loud, her response was, “The new one.”

Now it was my turn to laugh… to myself of course… she’d obviously realised the embarrassment she’d caused me earlier!

A happy ending…

When I got home I opened the packet… Lucky me, I got four tablets instead of one!

So here’s to a happy ending! 😉